Apron Strings

This childbearing business is rough stuff. The biological, spiritual, and emotional all seem to get magnified and channeled into such intense feelings that range from longing and angst to sorrow and heartache to hope and joy. More often than not you're dealing with several conflicting emotions at once. One of my favorite songs is "Apron Strings" by Everything but the Girl. It's amazing to me how it will elicit all of the emotions I just listed, plus a lot more, depending on your current childbearing circumstances and how you feel about them. Having gotten pregnant and almost immediately lost the baby (in December)and then having several family members have misscarriages the next month and now being newly pregnant again, it has certainly run the gamut of emotions for me. But, I suppose that's what a good song does, right? Here are the lyrics (I added the song too if you want to have a listen. It's the version from She's Having a Baby Soundtrack.):

Apron Strings,
Hanging, empty, crazy things
My body tells me,
I want someone to tie to my lonely apron strings.

Apron Strings,
Waiting for you pretty things
that I could call you
I want someone to tie to my lonely apron strings.

Could look just like me when I was young.
I wonder as the days unwind,
Will he have your eyes or mine?
Then I wake up to my. . .

Apron Strings
Cold and lonely, for time brings
Thoughts that only will be quiet
when someone clings to my apron strings.

And I'll be perfect in my own way--
When you cry I will be there,
I'll sing to you and comb your hair.
All your troubles, I will share.

For Apron Strings can be used for other things
than what they're meant for,
And you'd be happy wrapped in my apron strings.
You'd be happy wrapped in my apron strings.


In a fun, natural moment with all of our children on our bed, we told them about the upcoming baby. They are very happy, but it has made us a little more sober. We know that we're not out of the woods yet and now there's more at stake. This isn't just my baby. It's their baby too. And if it's lost, they will also feel the sadness of it. It's not as if I could hide it, though. For crying out loud, I'm 6 weeks and I had to go out today in FULL Maternity garb. I guess I could have just told them I was gaining weight. They would have believed it with all of the food I've been chowing. My son wanted to know why my stomach had to be so big if the baby was so small. Hmm. Good question. I would like to know that, too! So, we are happy with every day and I just keep kissin' up on all of the babies I already have. Here are a few pictures of them:

Um, never mind. Apparently I have found my digital camera but have now lost the cord thingy to hook it up to the computer. Hubby is asleep and that's not the sort of question you would want to wake him up about. As soon as I find it, I'll add some pictures in!

Communication

When I was in 6th grade I had a pen pal.

I now have:

my home phone
a cell phone
2 email addresses
this blog
MySpace page
Facebook page
Twitter (amycrochet)

And we're worried about the government invading our privacy?? Sheesh, we're doing it to ourselves! They don't need special spying software--just a laptop.

I let the whole world know about my life, my thoughts, my beliefs and then I go to the doctor's office and fill out a million stupid HIIPA (sp?) forms. For some reason it just seemed funny to me today. Ironic.

Well, I better go. I need to check my caller ID and email and update my status on Facebook. Call me!

New Years Confessions, Not Resolutions

Making a confession feels almost as good as making a resolution, but without all the work. (Try it this year for a nice change of pace.) Here are some of my New Years Confessions:

*Against every parenting principle I hold dear, I recently paid my 3 year old a quarter to put on her jacket.

*I keep my mismatched socks in a big bag. Last week I went through the bag to make matches and made a new record--FORTY-NINE Pairs of socks!

*Sometimes I buy candy and hide it so I don't have to share.

*I think Dumb and Dumber is one of the funniest movies ever and that disturbs me.

*I don't iron anything, ever. That's what a dryer is for. My husband recently asked if we could please buy an ironing board so he could iron his dress shirts.

*When I was having my son, Zachary, I hit a nurse. In my defense, she deserved it.

*I have blamed broken things on the children.

*When I was in grade school, I kicked a girl in the shins. Hard. When she went to tell the teacher, my friend Annie lied and said I didn't do it. And who would believe that sweet little Amy would do such a thing?

*I once shattered a toilet tank cover at Wingers. Long story, very embarrassing.

*Once when I was in college, I drove my car to school, then forgot I drove and walked home. The next day when I woke up and went to the parking lot, I thought someone had stolen my car. Plus, I got a ticket for overnight parking.

I found my digital camera, but now the battery is dead. So as soon as I get a battery I have some pictures of all the projects I've been working on.

Quote of the week: "I'm not giving you any more food until you put your pannies on!"

Fire and Drought

It seems to me that adversity often comes in two varieties--Fire and Drought.

When a fire hits you, the heat burns and it hurts so bad you almost can't stand it. The smoke makes you disoriented and you just can't see clearly. The ash settles around you, making everything a dull gray. You ask, "How did this happen? Why did this happen? And who started it?" You feel your way around, hoping to find a door that leads you away from the heat. And you keep hoping that someone will hear your cries for help.

In a drought, there is something that you need, that you yearn for, that just isn't happening. The rain does not fall, the job doesn't come, the cradle is still empty, the person doesn't change, the pain won't end. And there is nothing to do but wait. And waiting is the hardest part. Every day leaves you a little more drained. Every day it gets a little harder to keep your faith. You wonder if this drought will ever end and you wonder how you can possibly go on another season.

One of my favorite scriptures in Jeremiah says:

"Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not fear when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit."

Whether you are being seared by a fire or parched by a drought, my wish for you this coming year is that you will have the only thing that puts out a fire or ends a drought--water. May the living water of Christ soothe your burns and quench your thirst. Then you will have the courage to face the heat and the hope to weather the drought. And that is when, like the tree, you will force your roots deep and spread out your branches and yield fruit to all around you.

Some Random Things

Just thought I'd comment on a few random happenings, quotes, etc. from my life lately.

*On Monday, I had to make a special trip to the store to buy a square Kleenex box that my daughter needed for a science project that she told us about the day before and was due the next day.

*True quote by me: "Do not play with the plunger. The plunger is not a toy."

*While going through pockets during laundry, I found coins, candy wrappers, 4 pencil top erasers and 2 glow in the dark plastic stars.

*Zach quote: "She said she loved me, but not in a kissing way."

*I cannot find our digital camera. Sigh.

*While waiting for a pie to cool, Emma suggested we hurry up the process by putting it in the microwave. Apparently, I need to have them help more in the kitchen.

*I bought 6 cans of Red Feather canned butter from New Zealand for my food storage.

*Lucy pointed to her stuffed bear in a play car seat and said, "This is my baby Jesus."

*I cannot find my Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD. Double Sigh.

*While sick in bed yesterday, my husband made me breakfast in bed, brought me home flowers, and made eggs and french fries for the kids for dinner. He's a keeper!

*My friend Tyra gave me this Fabulous Blog Award.



I am to pass this award on to 5 other blogs, so check out the following:


Emilie--hilarious & honest stories of her boys crack me up
Dedra--true blog lover, great pictures, fun observations
Moments by Tyra--Tyra did our family pictures and they were great!
RG in ID--love her insights on children and motherhood
Balancing Everything--great posts on childbirth, motherhood, and home education, not to mention sewing tutorials

Belonging

The other day, my little Lucy wanted to play with our globe. I pointed out fun places, like where Daddy went on his mission (Spain) and where we live. But then she looked up at me and said, "Where am I at?" I said, well you live where we do. And she looked at me again and said, "But where am I at?" So I pointed on the globe and said, "This is where Lucy is." She put her stubby little finger on the spot and grinned and for the rest of the day, she kept dragging the globe up to me and asking, "Where is Lucy?" I would show her and she would say, "Yep, there's Lucy!" It was such a pointed reminder to me of how important it is for little children to feel like they belong--that they know their place in the world. That they matter.

This summer, we attended a large family reunion on my husband's side of the family. His mother is the youngest of 13 children and there were hundreds of people there. We all had name tags that said our name, plus which child of the 13 we were descended from. My 7 year old, Emma, walked into the building and saw all of the people and you could tell it was a little overwhelming for her. A few minutes later, she looked down at her name tag and smiled and said confidently, "I belong to Nadine." And she was fine. She knew who she belonged with and who belonged with her. Her source of belonging was her family.

As children get older, this sense of belonging can become more complicated, as they see both the positive and negative aspects of belonging to a group (or family :)). About a week ago, we finished listening to dramatized scriptures and my 9 year old son Ethan asked,"Why are the boys always the bad ones?" I explained that there were surely bad women during that time, too, we just don't know about them because they weren't written about in the scriptures. He reiterated, "But why are the boys always the bad ones?" And he went on to talk about how the boys were always the ones to get in trouble at school and how there were more men than women in prison. And what he wanted to know is "Why?" What he didn't ask, but I knew he was thinking was, Am I going to end up doing bad things because I am a boy? I told him that I really didn't believe that there were more "bad" boys than girls, but that boys are often more outspoken and violent in their responses and that gets them in more trouble (long answer condensed). It made it even more clear to me how important it is that boys have upstanding examples of their gender. Unlike many of those young men in prison, Ethan is blessed because he has his father to look up to--someone who mirrors every quality of a good man. And he will be able to see that we can all choose how we will behave and who we will be both because of the groups we belong to, and sometimes, in spite of them.

Lots of Little Things

There have been lots of little things in our house the last month. Little things that to little children mean a lot. Here are a few of them:

Lucy turned 3 years old! She got to wear her Cheetah costume all day and even into the grocery store. The very next day, she rushed up to her Daddy and said, "Daddy, Daddy, look at my legs! Look at them! I'm bigger now!!"



Emma lost her very first tooth. She was wiggling it furiously every day for at least a week. When I pulled it out, she cried and yelled that it hurt, but she was very proud. The tooth fairy has a hard time remembering to come to our house, but when Daddy helped her look in her room, he magically found a whole dollar for her very first tooth. Sometimes the tooth fairy has had to leave notes of apology and explanation for failing to appear. Apparently, the Tooth Fairy Company can sometimes get understaffed and overwhelmed and they are very sorry for any inconvenience.





Well, by the time we remembered to get pumpkins for carving, everyone was all out. But we still did our caramel apples and dipped them in chocolate, to boot. Here is a picture of some very happy chocolate faces!



And here is a picture of our sweet little Halloween gang:



One funny story--My husband asked my son, Ethan, if he remembered to change his alarm clock due to daylight savings time. Ethan said he didn't want to do that since he would just have to change it again the next day. "Why would you do that?" my husband asked. "Well, isn't it for just one day?" Ethan answered. So Brady explained that it was for another six months. "Oh," Ethan replied. Then he thought for a minute and asked,"Do people who aren't members of the church do it, too?" We think that he thought that because they are always announcing and reminding us about it at church and it always starts on a Sunday. So there you go--Daylight Savings Time is just for Mormons and just for a day!

As for me and my shenanigans, my friend Tracy and I transformed 6 bushels of apples into canned applesauce, apple pie filling and frozen apple pies. I just baked one of the pies today and it was quite yummy. You make the pie just like normal, but instead of baking it, you put it in a gallon bag and place it in the freezer. Then when you want a fresh baked pie, you just pop it into a hot oven straight from the freezer and you have pie heaven. We each have a dozen pies in our freezer! That was a lot of pie crusts, my friend!